I’ve never thought of my website as a mommy blog.  Maybe you have, but I think of my website as more of a place where I can talk about turds and fake teeth.

This summer I feel more like a mom than ever.  Actually, I really feel like a chauffeur, and one of those black caps would pair quite nicely with the dark circles under my eyes.  My kids are constantly asking for ice cream and entertainment and they are also constantly arguing about who gets to push the elevator buttons.  ELEVATOR BUTTONS.

That kind of bickering makes you want to lay on the elevator floor with your eyes closed and hum “We Are the World”.

At this point, a walking IV drip loaded with Valium would be nice.  However, I don’t think the metal IV pole would fit inside my tiny Mazda 3.

One thing we are attempting this summer is the competition swim team at the Jewish Community Center where we are members.  Beatty has always loved the water and swimming, but he’s never had any formal stroke instruction.  I knew by signing him up for the team that we were looking at practices four days a week as well as weekly swim meets, but I figured this would be a great way to tire out his 8-year old ass.  I’ve had to endure some complaining about getting off to practice by 7:30 in the morning, but this is easily rectified by plugging him into his iPod Touch and earphones.  Instant happiness.

I love the JCC swim team.  I love the coaches.  I love going to swim meets and being the parent who kneels at the end of the lane bellowing, “GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!!!” at my son or any other little JCC swimmer.

I have a very loud voice.  It feels good to bellow.

Fifty percent of my Instagram pictures this summer have been devoted to little kids at swim team events.  I must share some of my favorite shots.

The itty bitty 6-and unders just kill me.  I mean, look at this little munchkin diving into the water.  Half the time they stop mid-way down the lane and hang on to the ropes just to catch their breath.  It’s the cutest thing ever.

I die over this last picture of the diver during his team practice.  It’s just so damn cool.  My kids and I like to sit out on the pool deck eating bagels and watching the dive team do their thing.  I tried to talk Beatty into doing BOTH swim and dive team at the beginning of the season, but now I’m pretty relieved he said no because those added practices may have just sent me over the edge of scheduling mania.

Our JCC coaches have a pretty sweet sense of humor.  In the picture above, they all dressed up for our swim meet at the Salt Lake Country Club with golfing attire and golf club props.  I immediately got the joke and ran over to snap a picture of the fun.  Throughout the meet, they coached our kids while still carrying around those clubs.  I half expected them to use them to prod kids in the pool who were moving too slow.  That is costume committment, people.

About a week later, I heard that the Salt Lake Country Club people were not happy about our golfing costumes and they actually wanted to file a formal complaint against the JCC swim coaches.  SERIOUSLY??  Holy shit.  SOME PEOPLE CAN’T TAKE A JOKE.

So after that whole fiasco, the coaches took a different approach at our meet against Willow Creek Country Club.

It’s nothing but peace and love, man.  Kumbaya.  Share your falafel and pass the roach clip.  FLOWER POWER.

I have some very, very favorite photos of my own little swimmer.  He gets a bit nervous at meets and continually asks me if his event is next – IS IT NEXT, AM I NEXT, IS IT NEXT, WHEN AM I UP???

…which I find so cute.  I love watching him dive in and feel so PROUD seeing him finish those races.  I just want to grab his wet little body in a big hug and run around the pool with him in celebration.

That’s my little stud in lane three.

Being a swimmer is really an individual sport; the ultimate goal is to beat your own best times in an event.  But the JCC coaches have done an amazing job at making the kids feel part of a TEAM – a group that has fun together and supports each other.  I love it.  It is worth all the hot drives, waking up early, whining for a seven dollar breakfast burrito at the pool snack bar, and the wad of dough we are spending on gas.  It is worth it because of moments like these –

And yes, Beatty, you will be swimming again next year.  OR THAT iPOD IS HISTORY.