Things that have scared me in the past five days:
1) Teresa Giudice’s forehead.
2) The harsh reality that I know all the words to 95% of the songs sung by The Wiggles.
3) Nicky Minaj
4) People Magazine really used the nickname “WillKat” for Prince William and his wife Kate. Reading this in print makes me realize how tired and old it is to mush two celebrities’ names together to create a really stupid nickname. It made me want to scream and ball up the magazine right in the middle of Great Clips.
5) The inconsistency of the haircuts at Great Clips. Not for me, I promise. (I will point out that I have a hard time paying more than $11 for a kid’s haircut.)
6) Melania Trump. She is rich, very tall, very thin, and reminds me a little bit of an alien robot.
7) Cheese that comes out of a can, and the fact that my son likes it.
8) A two-year old barfing in their crib at 5:00 am.
9) The smelly state of our bedsheets.
10) The scariest thing of all: Me, Piper, trying to install a new plug-in on this website. See that new little addition at the top right-hand corner of the blog? See those social media icons? Well, that is supposed to allow my readers easier access to a login so that they may be inspired to leave me a comment regarding a post they enjoyed. Or a post they hated. Anyhow, this little BASTARD was supposed to take me twenty minutes to put on my website and instead it took me five HOURS and I am completely bewildered and confused by all the DAMN HOOPS I had to jump through and I still have no idea what API or User Secret or User Key or interface or Mixi is. I’m just hoping the effing thing works. If not, I wasted five hours and drove myself to wishing I had a TWO-FOOT LOADED BONG for nothing. Because right now I’m so stressed out I’ve started thinking about those horrible Orcs from the Lord of the Rings movies and GODDAMN IT, those are really scary. Way scarier than a two-foot bong.
PS – After watching my stats for 2 weeks, I realized how many people end up here by searching for pictures of “Orcs” from Lord of the Rings. A BIG HELLO TO ALL YOU HOBBIT-LOVING PEEPS!!
Welcome to my little piece of the Internet. Stick around. We’ll have some fun together.