Sisterhood of the Traveling Snark Archives

Creepy, In a Jersey Kingpin of Waste Kind of Way

June 10, 2013 By ace 1 Comment

While I’m working on a post about my trip last week, I want to quickly share the latest installment of our Snarky Bitch series. This one didn’t even fit on the card – and just to let you know, that’s perfectly OK. Because sometimes you just have to let your bitch fly out, fingernails sharpened and rubbing her dirty underwear in the face of the foe.

Sometimes I think I could sit down and write a Snarky Bitch letter that is at least three pages long. Longhand.

This one was mailed to me from a reader in Texas. Actually, this reader just moved to Texas not too long ago and the people who bought her old house on the East coast turned out to be straight outta “Goodfellas”. I guess what I mean is it seems there were some shady requests by people with big hairy balls and lots of annoying personality traits.

And then the reader realized the new buyers were trying to snoop around the Internet and get the scoop on her. And her life. Personal shit. FUCKING WEIRD.

So, enjoy.

Feel free to vent about your home selling frustrations below. I know it definitely pissed me off when the people who bought my old house wanted us to buy them an assload of new windows.

I told them to bite me.

*you can click on the image to enlarge it*

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Snarky Bitch #3

April 8, 2013 By ace 5 Comments

Well, hello Monday!!

I think this next Sisterhood of the Snarky Bitch card really came from Jessica Simpson.

Just a guess.

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This addition to the Snarky Bitch family made me look back fondly on the time I tried the Nutrisystem diet…but the reason I lost weight on that little project was because all their boxed shelf food tasted like a bizarre hybrid of an Army ration meal and colored cardboard. BUT YOU CAN ORDER IT OVER THE INTERNET, AND IT IS MAILED TO YOUR HOUSE IN A BIG BOX, which seemed FREAKING AWESOME.

I suppose this should make me feel a little bad, because it is a shining example of my deep-down, inherent laziness about my food routines and inclinations to try to take the easy way out when it comes to shedding blubber.

And the only way I could run a mile in under 8 minutes was if Norman Bates was chasing me with a rusty chainsaw and a dick full of herpes sores hanging out of his pants.

Just saying.

Snarky Bitch #2

February 25, 2013 By ace 1 Comment

I’m surprisingly pleased this most recent snarky card came back addressed to me and about me. I totally deserve it.

Strangely enough, this makes me laugh. A lot.

*You can click on the image to see a larger view*

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After the weekend I had, I feel like I need a little bit of a tongue lashing. Or just a good hard wallop on the ass.

Thank you, writer of that snarky card.

Have a bitchilicious Monday.