Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Krazy Kwaanza Wishes, and YAY FOR FESTIVUS!!
I really do think we need a holiday to air our grievances. It would be so damn perfect, everyone.
Because you know as well as I do that by the time December 27th rolls around, you want to hogtie your children, parents, in-laws, second cousins and spouses and throw them into a snow bank so you can just sit in peace with a gin and tonic and watch “Project Runway”. Or you fantasize about buying yourself a plane ticket to Aruba and not returning until February 1st.
I’ve been out of town for a week, doing the holidays down in yee-haw land (as Stacia puts it).
We just flew home from Dallas last night, and I’m so glad to be off that plane. It was hot and crowded and Sloan was passing gas the whole time. I actually thought the farts were coming from the old man sitting in front of us, then I put my nose down near her bum and found the real culprit. When I whispered in her ear and asked her if she had farted, she smiled and tried to blame it on her brother.
So. Dallas. Instead of being MILD and WARM like it normally is, it SNOWED, ya’ll. Of course it did! And then the heater to my cousin’s pool and hot tub broke and instead of swimming for five hours every day, my kids were spinning circles inside her very beautiful home.
Thank god for Wii and “Just Dance 4“.
I’d also like to thank God for baby Jesus, who was the inspiration for our Christmas cards this year. Brad did a very good job channeling the just-born Him, and Beatty wanted to make sure you know that he is NOT Joseph, but a wise man or sheep herder instead. Because he needs everyone to know he isn’t married to his mom.
I guess that is a very appropriate mating rule for him to understand, so I will be proud that he realizes moms and sons can’t be married instead of letting it hurt my feelings. I will also take this approach because my brain can’t fathom why he wouldn’t want to be married to someone like me.
Hope your Christmas was happy.