Depression is Fun Archives - Page 3 of 6

Gracias

January 13, 2012 By ace 2 Comments

Just want to take a quick moment to say thank you to all of you who stopped by and left me encouraging comments yesterday. They mean more than you know. I’m serious.

I’m feeling better today. I went to see my doctor and we are waging a good battle. My hands have stopped trembling and I am much more present. I have also started to feel that it will all be OK. I’m still going to seek out a good psychiatrist that can perhaps go a little deeper on this beast of a problem, someone who deals with this everyday and knows what they’re talking about. I’ve dealt with this for four years now, and it’s time.

A couple of responses to comments…

My dear Zadge, why would you EVER trim a mullet?? A mullet is the pinnacle of masculine badges of honor. And last time I took my kid to the dentist they had to knock him out with ether and yank six of his teeth. He was singing “Sweet Home Alabama” to the hygenist who was so tickled by his performance she convinced the dentist to cap his other teeth in gold. As soon as they fall out, we are going to melt down the gold and fashion him his first earring. Zadge, please send him a toothbrush with Dale Earnhardt on it ASAP. And toothpaste that is flavored like Wild Turkey.

Stacia, my long-lost high-school sluffing glittery girl – send me a text to pep me up, and please show up unannounced at my house in your sequins with a bottle of tequila. We will play quarters and watch Jersey Shore and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills re-runs and do push-ups in between refreshing our drinks. I heart you.

Meg, thank you for being there these last few weeks with your dedicated reading and comments…and thank you for the “bravo”. It felt great. To my gorgeous sister, Shea – I just love you. Thank you for back rubs, listening to me, and being supportive even if I choose to do what you would not. This is real love.

And to the two friends who actually came over to my house today to check on me, you are the bomb…as well as the three of you how sent me lovely letters and text messages. I can’t tell you how much it makes me smile to think that people care enough to stop by, bring me cookies, or take the time to write me a long email. Sometimes it’s who you least expect that shows up when you need it. It really is amazing. I’m lucky to have people like this in my life, and I promise to be a friend to you when you need one.

OK, Guitar Hero and Harry Potter are calling me. And all these sloppy, sentimental words of love?? I promise it wasn’t just the Valium speaking.

XOXO

Sometimes the Wheels Fall Off

January 11, 2012 By ace 12 Comments

This will not be a funny post. I’m not even going to try.

The reason is that I’m sitting here in my basement, tears running down my face, typing a letter to the bunch of you whom I’ll never know. There is, however, something comforting in sharing your true self to others who are quite anonymous. And see up there, on the masthead? ALWAYS HONEST.

The floodgates burst today and I’m just trying to keep it together.

The medication I’ve been on lately isn’t working. My depression has slowly been spiraling out of control and it took a whole day of panic attacks, shaking hands, and crying while trying to catch my breath to link all the signs together. Signs that should have been glaringly obvious, but for whatever reasons, I just haven’t been smart enough to piece the puzzle together. Sometimes that happens.

The messed up sleep patterns. Waking up in the middle of the night wide awake. It’s not always Sloan’s fault.

The constant irritability. Being pissed off. The anger. OHMYGOD, I’m always so angry.

The exhaustion.

The hopelessness.

The fact that my neck and shoulders feel like they’re in a vise. Tension. Pain. Blinding headaches.

The fact that for four weeks all I’ve wanted to do is curl up in a ball on the sofa and read the Harry Potter series. Because now I realize that this has been my escape, my escape into a world that is so different and amazing and way more scary than my own life…and tearing through these books with a vengeance so that I can get to the end, and what. What? To see that horrible, evil, dark thing be conquered. To see Harry WIN.

Please, god. I don’t want to be this person. I’m not this person. I have a great life. I love my husband and kids. I’m so lucky to have all the blessings that I have. This isn’t me. I want happiness and the ability to look forward to each day. I want lightness. Laughter.

The reason I share this with you is that I know some of you have been there. You’ve felt the pain and confusion and can’t figure out where it’s coming from. You feel guilty because most people don’t get it – they don’t understand that you can’t think yourself or exercise yourself out of this. It doesn’t make sense to them. But it does to me, and I want you to know that I know it sucks. Sometimes the wheels fall off, and we have to scramble and fight to get those fuckers back on. We can, in the end, conquer the dark thing. Get the wheels moving again.

I’m getting help. It will be OK. I will be back telling you about my farts very soon.

Much love,

Piper

Changes

January 9, 2012 By ace 4 Comments

As some of you may have noticed, we are doing a little tweaking her at Her Ace. I wanted a format where your comments showed clearly…but I’m still not completely happy with the masthead and fonts, so you may see even more changes in the next week.

Let me know what you think!

Life in general feels full of changes right now. Some good, some…well, just a pain in the ass. On a postive note, we are doing some work to our upstairs bathroom and I’m SO excited. When it is all completed, I will post before and after pictures of the space. It has been a lot of fun for me to choose materials and figure out the feel that I wanted for this room. I’m pretty sure that you all would be happy and tranquil pooping and peeing in my bathroom once it’s done. Because it is gonna be RAD.

My cousin’s oldest son, Austin, just arrived in SLC tonight, and he will be living with us for at least the next couple of months. He graduated from Auburn University about a year and a half ago. He has always wanted to live in Utah, loves to ski, and my husband offered him a job. So here he is! I hope he has prepared himself for the onslaught of attention from the young uns. My kids are downstairs right now ~~bothering him~~ hanging out while he is unpacking, and Beatty is just giddy with delight that there is another male in the house. He has already begged Austin to go outside and ~~freeze his balls off~~ jump on the trampoline, and that kid is such a good sport. Bless him.

Oh, and the big thrill of the next two weeks will be the five of us sharing the tiny downstairs bathroom. I have placed the air freshener prominently. Very necessary.

Also very necessary, I have decided, is going back on anti-depressants. God, this winter has gotten to me. The seasonal thing is very real to me, and I find myself feeling very irritated and exhausted and negative. Living in Salt Lake, you have the reality of winter lasting until at least June. Shit, people were skiing on the Fourth of July last year. NOT ME. At that point in the year, I would rather stick a Roman Candle up my arse.

Wish me luck and feel free to offer any advice on getting through the next four months.

Maybe a sizable spray-tan package?? Natural mood enhancer? Very cute personal trainer??