So, I was at my dentist’s office yesterday getting my teeth cleaned, and when the doc came over to check out my pearls, we were talking about a bunch of nothing…then I happened to mention how I just wanted to go home and curl up on my bed with Netflix for the rest of the night and he says,
“You’re so WEIRD.”
And I’m like, HOW IS THAT WEIRD??
Because in my mind, who wouldn’t want to curl up on their bed and watch all thirteen episodes of “Orange is the New Black”??
He is the weird one for instead wanting to get on his bike and ride 100 miles. I freaking love that show. It has consumed me for the past week. Not just because the main character is named Piper, even though that was a shocking and pleasant surprise. That’s a very, very tiny reason why I’ve been glued to my Nook and my children haven’t had a decent meal in two days.
When we finish with my checkup, he walks me up to the front desk to the receptionist. I happen to very innocently and curiously ask him what his mother looked like (she passed away a while back), and maybe he was feeling like a smart guy and said,
“Well, have you ever seen The Cosby Show?”.
To which I tell him that he is a dork and to shut up. Because that shit really isn’t funny.
THEN, funny-guy dentist tells the receptionist we were talking about my new Netflix addiction. She very innocently asks what show I’m enjoying. This very nice Mormon receptionist girl and my very lovely good Mormon dentist must have caught me on a very special day, or maybe the comment about The Cosby Show got me riled up, because here is pretty much how the conversation went -
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, I love Netflix! What show are you watching right now?
ME: Orange is the New Black. I LOVE IT. I’m on the last episode and I’m DYING to finish it.
DENTIST: Yeah, I’ve heard of that. That’s the one about the women in prison?
RECEPTIONIST: Yeah…I watched like two episodes of it. I just couldn’t do the girl-on-girl thing.
ME: HA HA HA!! She means the LESBIAN stuff!! Lesbian!! She just doesn’t want to say the word LESBIAN!! *laughing*
*dentist and receptionist stare*
ME: YOU TWO ARE BOTH A COUPLE OF HONKEYS! BA HA HA HA!!
ME: Whoops. Is there anyone out there in the waiting room? I probably just offended like everyone out there.
DENTIST: Nah. You’re fine.
ME: So…next time you should probably just give me the gas and I won’t say offensive things.
DENTIST: I’m not giving you gas. Ever. You would probably say things that are much worse. And say them louder.
ME: Yeah, you’re probably right.
*secretly thinking I’m going to request and pay for the gas next time I get my teeth cleaned*
ME: Ok! So…see you next time! Oh, and the show REALLY is GOOD. I mean, I can only think of like one lesbian scene that I remember. It was probably the one you already watched. So you should really watch more episodes, because it just gets better and better! REALLY.
RECEPTIONIST: Uh huh. Yep. Ok, sounds good.
All in all, a pretty successful day. I got my teeth cleaned. I called my dentist and receptionist “honkeys”.
I think I’ve been watching too many prison scenes. Or maybe not.