WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL MY COMMENTERS???
Not that I’ve ever had that many in the first place, but I’m peeved. I’m feeling neglected. I’m missing you. Why are you not leaving me comments? Because I’m boring? I suck? I don’t make you want to say, “Piper, you are so pathetic. You are a mother. You should not be jumping around in a thong leotard. YOU ARE 40 FOR GOD’S SAKE.” Because I would even take that shit. Actually, I like it when you give me hell.
I’m that person.
What the fuck do I have to do to get you to talk to me??
Bribes? Promises of baked goods? Gift cards to Target? My own father doesn’t even comment on my blog anymore.
Big Hands, if you are reading this, I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU. If you don’t start commenting, you’d better start sending me twenty-dollar bills in cards. That’s your only other option.
No matter you people, I know you are lurking out there somewhere (I SEE THE READING STATS, YOU KNOW) and you can just stay in your comfortable, anonymous bubble and I will keep writing and just pretend I am writing to myself.
My good friend Heather sent me this in an email a week or so ago and I thought I would share since she made sure to tell me it took her at least three hours to make because she is technologically challenged:
She apologized for not being a very good friend lately – in a time when she figures I need my friends the most. Heather, I love you. I still text or call you almost every day and I can be the one who bugs you. I’m OK with being that half of the relationship. But your fancy picture collage means so much. And I’m thinking it is supposed to represent our friendship, but there are a few things that confuse me.
Like…
* in the picture with two ladies, are you supposed to be the bigger bitch, or is that me???
* and when I do have fucked up ideas it takes you waayyyy longer than 10 minutes to get here to participate. I know you have kids and a husband and a job and all that, but…GOD. Hurry the fuck up.
* in the picture with Barbie looking at Ken’s lack of junk…I don’t know. Yes, that’s funny. But is that representing you or me? Or should I say Brad or George?? Because I can assure you that Brad is HUNG LIKE A BIG BUDWEISER CLYDESDALE. (maybe this will encourage him to comment on this post) And I’m assuming that George is too, because HELLO, HE’S GREEK. Or does being Greek just make you hairy??
* and yes, sometimes I do write drunk. I probably write better that way. Too bad hangovers suck and too bad I can’t drink during the day because I have children swirling around me and it inhibits my ability to remember where they are or make them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It would also be a little pathetic. More pathetic than whining about my lack of commenters.
THANK YOU, HEATHER, FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP TRIBUTE. You are a darling dear.
Oh girl, I love you, thanks for always making me laugh!
Here is my comment. I love you. I am reading. Always.
Piper, you are a natural rap mom! I can tell that you are not acting but expressing your true self, keep up the good work.
I admit I have went to commit 100 times and it always takes me somewhere that I need to sign in and I’m to lazy. I always read and always laugh or cry depending on your post. I love you and love your talent! Taking the time now!
You are inspiring, funny, kick ass chick….I would love to know you better! Keep on writing and rapp on. Xo
I normally don’t comment because I can’t think of anything half as clever as what you write. But I’m always reading!
Oh my goooooooodnessssss!!!!!!! I always read — but TOTALLY agree that half the time I cannot think of a single thing to match your power with words.
I think Barbie is very disappointed in that photo. Terribly so.
Also, you did an awesome job getting me to comment. I guess I need to be yelled at more often.
It worked for my parents.
I love you. Keep writing — we’ll keep reading, and we’ll get bigger mouths in the process.
Hey — I have a gross acne cyst just beneath my jaw. Gonna have to lance it. Care to comment?
With love, always love,
Brenda
Aww. Sorry! I’ve been in a bubble since last week. Hugs!
I’m here, too. Just popped a Snarky Bitch card in the mail. Hope you like it!
Knowing the tough week you had, I’m surprised that you could find the motivation and strength to post. Shows true spirit & dedication to your creation. Remember, you always have an Ace In the Hole. Hang in there! Love, Big Hands
Word to your mother……mother. I’m reading but always feel guilty for being on line instead of cleaning my toilets or playing with my kids. So I do my business and then get the fuck off. I’ll comment more I promise. xoxoxo
Well Piper, the tribute is complex. Sometimes you are the bigger bitch, sometimes I. I definitely take longer than 10 minutes when you have a fucked up idea but I know if I miss one, there will be another coming up soon. As for Barbie… I think it’s more about a greater statement: Ken is NOT perfect.
Altogether it’s my friendship mixed tape for you – visual, not auditory – because that’s how I roll. Thanks for being a very good (and patient, and understanding) friend. xoxo
Heath
Piper you are absolutely fabulous and never miss any of your videos. You are so hot!!!!!!!!!
Keep it up. It brightens up my days at work. Anna and I hope to see you and brad soon.
You don’t me, but have followed you for a while through Stacia. You’re hella funny, just like our Stacia. So fun to read all your stuff. But I’m not a big blog creeper, so feel a little creepy always creeping yours. But just so you know, I’m out here and loving all your posts!
I love the name Jenica. Thanks for reading. 🙂