I watched a movie last night and for some crazy reason, it really affected me.
It is called “Catfish”, and it was made by brothers Nev and Ariel Schulman and friend Henry Joost. There has been a lot of talk about Catfish (which I think premiered at last year’s Sundance Festival) and how Nev Schulman now has a contract with MTV for a television series with the same title. All the television episodes revolve around online relationships, online dating, social media, and the potential for deception. The movie was very different than I expected – I had watched a couple of the television episodes on-demand and assumed that Nev Schulman was just bamboozled into falling in love with a girl online who didn’t exist. But it was much more than that.
I actually cried and cried after viewing the full-length movie.
The tears were not for Nev, but for the other main character in the story. Her name is Angela.
Without giving too much away about the story, I just have to tell you that I understood Angela. I understood her motivations to do what she did, how she became caught up in her own lies and half-truths, and her desire to be or do something different than what she normally does in her tiny-as-hell town in Michigan. And I’m not saying this because I would do the same thing; I’m saying that I understand her because we are the same age. The age where you wake up and half your life is over and all of the sudden you’re not in your twenties anymore. The age when every once in a while you have the fleeting thought that you may be running out of time. Time to do or see the things you think about. Time to be the person you have dreamed of being.
And it’s all just so very sad and complicated. My heart broke for her.
I sensed that Angela really did in fact love Nev. At the very least, she was in love with the idea of being in love with someone like Nev.
This is him:
and this is her:
Angela ended up being such a soft-spoken, gentle person who didn’t seem to want to hurt anyone…but she did want to be recognized. She wanted to be someone. Most people would call her crazy, but I don’t think she’s crazy. I just think there is a part of her that is very sad, and this is how it manifested. There were also so many things left unsaid by Angela in the movie, but I could sense her dreams and regret.
I want you all to know that you are part of my dream. The dream of writing something that is published…even if it’s just on the Internet. The dream of having my own place to say whatever I want. The dream of having another person read my words and think to themselves, “I get it. I get you“.
In all honesty, what you see here on this website is probably the best of me. The part of me who wants to make you laugh. The irreverant me. The zany me. The carefree me . My family probably experiences the other, but necessary, parts of me a lot more – the less funny, the lazy, the irritated, the mundane. Those pieces of the puzzle are always there…with the sometimes meloncholy ones you sometimes get a glimpse of.
Like I said before, it’s complicated.
I hope Angela figures our her puzzle someday.
You can find “Catfish” the movie on Netflix or most likely on demand through your cable company.