I have a new boyfriend. His name is Alfonso. I’m not quite sure what his last name is. But that’s OK, we are keeping it casual like that.
My friends that might happen across this blog are like, GASP! I THOUGHT SHE WAS MARRIED TO BRAD.
So what? That doesn’t mean I can’t have a boyfriend.
Anyway, Alfonso came to my house today and did the thing that I like best. He was so good at it he made my toes curl. And he made me all happy and giggly and insane with pleasure.
HE CLEANED FOR FOUR HOURS.
Here’s where I’m going to tell you that I always feel sort of bad when I pay someone to clean my house. I’m not sure why. I guess because it seems to be something that spoiled or entitled people do. But it makes me so DAMN HAPPY. I hate cleaning floors, I hate cleaning wood shutters, I hate looking at dust. And I haven’t had anyone help me since Marsha died this summer. Dust bunnies were taking over my corners and making me twitch.
So I saved up my allowance and I called my old friends at Maid Pro and they sent me my boyfriend.
I’m going to put Alfonso on my gratitude list for today.
SEE, OPRAH?? I’M AN EFFING GOOD PERSON.
Oh Piper, how I covet your boyfriend! I think you are such a wise person for having him do a smack down on your dust,
I WILL DREAM OF YOUR BOYFRIEND TONIGHT.
And Dan will just have to deal with it.