LET’S PRETEND THIS WAS POSTED YESTERDAY. I TRIED MY HARDEST.
Today is my birthday. And I’m forty. It’s a list kind of day.
40 THOUGHTS ON MY FORTIETH BIRTHDAY
1. I’m going to try to be
thoughtful sane reflective funny upbeat clear even though it might be hard to do so.
2. Because I’m sick with a cold. I feel like shit.
3. Who gets a COLD IN THE SUMMER? It is so dumb.
4. I read an article in Rolling Stone last night on global warming and the current atmospheric/temperature/carbon numbers. It was pretty depressing. We’re pretty much fucked.
5. So what will we do when we have to live in underground tunnels because we will fry if we attempt to live on the Earth’s surface? Where will the Kardashians film their TV shows??
6. I should be more politically involved. I feel guilty about this sometimes.
7. I give myself a break because my sister is politically active enough for both of us. I let her do all the work.
8. Deep down, I only want to be politically involved if I am running for U.S. Congress. And when I’m campaigning I want to wear awesome campaigning clothing and be completely blunt and want to be the person the news trucks love to chase because she calls the other candidate a “blabbering idiot with his head stuck up his poop shute“.
9. That’s kind of sad. I’d like to think I’d really say stuff like that, though.
10. Political arguments and no action frustrate me.
11. I’m going to go take some cold medicine.
12. The cold medicine knocked me on my ass. It is now fourteen hours later.
13. I’m pretty happy to be forty. It’s a good number.
14. That last one sounded pretty stupid. I mean, I realized yesterday that I’m fairly happy with where I’m at in life. I am glad I’m forty. I feel balanced and happy with life. I like who I am. I like who is in my life.
15. Three years ago I used to worry a lot more. I worried about stuff I wasn’t doing. I worried about friendships. I worried that people didn’t like me or didn’t respect me or that I wasn’t important to them.
16. I don’t really worry about that stuff anymore.
17. It feels nice not to worry.
18. A picture representation of my current state of mind:
19. I think I dress a hell of a lot better now at forty than I did at twenty. A HELL OF A LOT BETTER.
20. Feel free to tease me about the floral granny outfit and white pantyhose.
21. You can also feel free to tease that guy in the picture, because I’m not married to him. I have his email if you want it.
22. Some days it shocks me that I’ve been out of college for almost twenty years. I don’t feel that old. Hell, I feel like I should still be going to fraternity parties and studying for tests.
23. There are a lot of things I’d like to do before I get too old or too tired to try them.
24. Like go scuba diving.
25. Like go to a huge music festival and party like a rock star.
26. Like be a rock star. One who doesn’t have to play an instrument.
27. Learn how to play an instrument.
28. Find someone who will pay me to write for them.
29. Learn more about photography.
30. I should also appreciate my mother more.
31. I need to start making some kick-ass family photo and memory books. Even though I’ve been saying this for three years.
32. Go to Australia. I’ve always wanted to go to Australia.
33. Watch less TV. But if I am going to watch TV, I should watch more Jon Stewart and less Bachelorette.
34. This reminds me, I have to write a post on the final Bachelorette. Because she chose the guy from Utah and I just about had a heart attack and died on my living room floor because I was so happy. I want to be one of Emily’s bridesmaids.
35. I have lots of experience being a bridesmaid. I never keep the dresses.
36. This cold is really, really kicking my ass. I feel horrible.
37. When I’m sick I generally just want people to leave me alone. This is quite conflicting when you have kids.
38. Someday I think I will post a video of myself singing all my good Chi Omega drinking songs. You would like them.
39. This post is kind of sucking. I’m sorry.
40. I’m going to finish with a photo and a conversation with my sister following the cutting of the cake. My family is insane. Truly. I love that more and more as I get older. CRAZY IS ENTERTAINING.
SHEA (my sister): *looking at my birthday cake* What’s a cougar?
ME: Are you serious??
SHEA: Yeah. I don’t know what that means.
ME: God! Where have you been?? Everyone knows what a cougar is!!
BRAD: A cougar is like an older woman who preys on younger guys.
SHEA: OH! Ok. You guys have been keeping me in the dark! I’m SO out of the loop. Oh yeah…the other day I learned another new word. One that I’ve never heard of before. MUFF DIGGER.
ME: What?! Muff digger? Do you mean muff DIVER?
SHEA: Ummm…yeah, I guess so. Yeah, muff diver!
ME: That’s totally old. No one says muff diver anymore. Who the hell were you discussing muff divers with anyway??
SHEA: Terry. *me looking puzzled* You know, TERRY…the homeless guy that mom hangs out with at the park!
AND THAT IS MY FAMILY, EVERYONE.