Another week in Emily’s quest for a husband/sperm donor/baby daddy!! Emily feels like she is getting “real” and wants the guys to tell her their deepest, darkest secrets.
Because she is more than willing to tell them hers. They are pretty deep, ya’ll.
Actually, this week’s episode seemed pretty tame, except when Emily got all hot and bothered because Utah Jef didn’t make out with her on the beach. Instead, he stared meaningfully into her eyes and murmured, “Should we go back now?”. I laughed out loud at Emily’s obvious sexual frustration.
Top 10 Moments of “The Bachelorette” WEEK FOUR:
(Slim pickings this week, guys…I’m serious.)
1) Emily declaring, “Maybe the next time I come back to Bermuda I’ll be pregnant, or pushing a baby stroller!”
2) Doug’s lack of humor when the other guys in the house try to tease him a little…
3) …and then Arie imitating Doug in the confessional room by saying, “Doug is like the Hulk. Doug ANGRY! Doug SMASH! Doug SAAAADDD.” Pretty funny. A little teasing of the meat-heads never hurts.
4) Emily walking through some stone archway in Bermuda called “The Moon Gate”. She claims that by tradition the couple is supposed to make a wish as they pass through…and then during her interview she tells her wish – “to not be single forever“. SHOCKING and STUNNING!
5) Emily asks Doug about his flaws. This is what he came up with: “I spend too much time with my son. Oh, and I didn’t wash my ex-girlfriend’s car enough”.
I think Doug forgot to add: He doesn’t drink organic coffee, he doesn’t trim his pubic hair, he doesn’t walk his dog every day, he doesn’t wipe the counter after he makes toast, he has less than 100 volunteer hours at the local rest home, and he didn’t bake his postman cookies at Christmas time.
6) Emily declares: “I haaaate watching guys compete!” Ummm, isn’t this the basis of the TV show you are starring in??
7) Bachelor Ryan: “God designed you to be a beautiful woman. So be a beautiful woman.” Right then I wished out loud that Emily would rip a huge, juicy fart.
8) Bachelor Ryan (again): “Cheers to a beautiful trophy…wife.”
9) Bachelor Ryan (once more): “I’m not here to impress you – I’m here to make an impression ON you.”
10) Bachelor Ryan (omg, please shut up already): “I was praying for you before coming on the show that you would use the show to impact tons and tons of people by being classy and making good choices.” WTF? Is this guy Billy Graham now??
WINNER OF THE WEEK:
Bachelor Jef – from UTAH (give a shout out to Piper’s homeboy)
LOSER OF THE WEEK:
Bachelor Charlie. (She booted him out before the mushroom farmer with both ears pierced? Wow.)
QUESTIONS for the MEMBERS LOUNGE:
1) What the hell is the story behind bachelor John “Wolf” whatshisname? What is up with this nickname, and if they are showing it onscreen, why are the guys NOT calling him Wolf?? Please explain.
2) Let’s start the betting: Odds on Emily getting down and dirty with her final two bachelors?
3) …as well as the odds that at the final rose ceremony Emily and her new fiancee will ceremoniously burn a box of condoms before they head up to their hotel room?