A text conversation between me and my friend Stacia today.  I apologize if I’m the only person in the world who finds this hilarious:

**DISCLAIMER:  Dad, stop reading now.  Thank you.**

ME:  Guess what?  I’m getting boobies next week!  I’m not fucking kidding.  You will have to come over and lay in bed with me and we can smoke pot while I recover.

STACIA:  Awesome!  I was just talking about getting boobies last weekend!

ME:  Ha ha ha!  Mine are gonna be awesome.  Like DDD’s.

STACIA:  Fuck yeah!!

ME:  We should get boobies together!!  A boobie party!!

STACIA:  We can chant “boobies boobies boobies!” in our percocet-induced haze!

ME:  Would you be mad if I post this conversation??  Cause that shit is funny.  Titties rock.

STACIA:   Dude!!!  You post that shit right now muthafucka!!!

ME:  You’ve been around Snoop Dogg a lot this weekend.  I can tell.  You’re a skeezer.  And a ho.  I’m totally going to Coachella next year with you.  And I’m gonna bitch slap Paris Hilton.  With one of my huge knockers.

STACIA:  Dude!!!  For fucking sure!