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Thanksgiving is quickly approaching, and here is the issue of Martha Stewart Living I got in the mail the other day.
Do not ask me why I subscribe to this shit. It was probably a fundraiser or something, and I felt too guilty to order the Us magazine I really wanted. But I do like to flip through Martha Stewart’s rag and fantasize about her fucking perfect holiday spreads and all the pretty perfect smiley-puss people that are in the pictures.
Martha just makes it all seem so simple. That bitch. The food looks great (and healthy), your spread has seven dishes that involve a lot more work than just dumping cans of green beans with cream of mushroom soup and those crispy fried onions, the tablecloths aren’t stained and the children are dressed beautifully with cute little hairdos. Oh, and nobody is fighting. As if.
Last year on Thanksgiving, I taught a 90-minute Pilates class in the morning and then rushed home to open up those green beans as well as some cans of creamed corn, stuff the turkey in the oven and mix up a pecan pie. By the time my mixed family arrived, including a divorced mom and stepdad that weren’t too thrilled to be eating together, I’d already drank a bottle of wine and was still in my sweats.
I think Martha should promote taking your family Christmas card pictures after your Thanksgiving meal. It is a lot more fun and you can use all your empty bottles as props. Case in point-
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Not as wholesome, but a lot more fun than your average photo shoot.